The Return to a New Start
Life does not move in a straight line, it weaves, it twists, it blindsides with beauty at most unpredictable moments. We search outward for clarity, for confirmation, for resolution but we end up discovering that what we were seeking was quietly standing there all along.
My roadtrip back to California started with a broken taillight on my car. This was the moment I chuckled to myself that this adventure has something significant in store for me. I decided to take the trip by car, (which took me approximately 2 days,) ending up in a severe wind and snow storm. In that moment, I had no choice but to be in complete stillness and pure attentiveness to the road. No thoughts entered my mind, I was just THERE.
Silence replaced autopilot momentum and distractions, presence I was gently forced into replaced any planning that I had in my head, and I braced myself for the unknown. Several witnessed car accidents later and endless traffic jams for hours at a time, this often labeled inconvenience became the catalyst for return – back to an old home, back to California, back to a place the mind considered finished. Yet what seems finished in narrative form often carries unfinished resonance. Returning to what “no longer is” can dissolve the illusion that time moves only forward. In that “return”, something synchronized itself without effort and “home” was no longer something I had to conclude, but to embrace and open even wider.
My mind could not comprehend what was happening, analysis seemed to be too limiting to what I was experiencing. But the entire movement of this trip felt orchestrated beyond any strategy I could ever come up with on my own. And I understood that sometimes the most powerful beginnings arise from revisiting what we thought had ended.
I felt emptiness without lack or longing, fullness without possession, inspiration without ambition and limitaions. Love without condition. What the mind deemed to be an accident brought God’s precision as the revelation.
Meetings on this trip did not occur by chance; they aligned and have opened my heart to something that was always there in front of me, within me. The realization did not expand my beliefs in anything, it helped me simplify perception and removed any expectations. Nothing was random, and nothing stands outside the larger current of intelligence.
Much happened on this trip, which, for now, will be kept in sacred privacy. But what I can share, is that this journey did not provide answers; it removed any lingering conscious and unconscious questions. It confirmed a conclusion to things that were still unresolved, simultaneously openening a threshold to something much greater the mind could not design. It was not a goodbye and a finale to the old home. It is a transcendence and expansion out of the structure that home represented.
There is no accident and no destiny, no seeker returning and no place to return to look for answers, nowhere to arive. Storm, silence, travel, return, love – all arise within awareness and presence without separate authorship and control. What looks like complex choreography is the simplest yet most powerful movement in a dance. Love does not become something discovered at the end of the journey; it has always been there, as organic as each breath that we take.
When the heart opens, even disruption starts to reveal coherence and the current starts to move one into most beautiful places. Plot twists no longer get treated as inconveniences or detours, they are reorientations beyond the limits of expectation of the mind.
Love does not become something discovered at the end of the journey; it has always been there, as organic as each breath that we take.